Tuesday, April 1, 2008

Rosemary Wilson Endorsed By Satan

Satan held a Press Conference at the 31st Street Hilton to announce his endorsement of Rosemary Wilson for reelection to the Virginia Beach City Council in November, 2008. He stated, "On the School Board, Rosemary was a puppet of the Virginia Beach Education Association (VBEA). On City Council, she's a puppet of...me." When reporters expressed shock, Satan went on, "No, Rosemary doesn't realize it, but she takes her marching orders from people owned by me. Her voting record on City Council is overwhelmingly evil."

Asked to elaborate on his interest in Virginia Beach politics, Satan explained, "I've taken a special interest in Virginia Beach politics every since Will Sessoms and Billy Harrison were on Council trying to make the city Hell on Earth for it's residents. Speaking of Sessoms, I wholeheartedly endorse his candidacy for Mayor. I'm hoping to put together a Satan's Slate of Sessoms, Wilson, and a challenger to Bob Dyer. I obviously can't stand a man as great as Bob. If I can't con a developer's puppet into running in Centerville District, I can certainly dupe a Deaniac. After all, the VBTA has redefined self-defeating."

On whether or not Rosemary Wilson was going to Hell, Satan said, "I already have a room waiting for her, right next to Brian Kirwin's. That way the 'world shaker' can continue to try to spin for her in the next life. Best part is that neither of them gets the joke."

Questioned as to what degree he could impact the City Council election, Satan told reporters, 'Virginia Beach's at-large voting system was designed by me. I'm the only one who could rationalize expecting a candidate to reach 430,000 people over a 308 square mile area when much fairer methods exist. At-large voting is 110% Satanic."


Avenging Archangel said...

Given the flack I've taken from the VBTA and it's sympathizers over the past couple weeks, I considered pulling this punch. Over the weekend, I was leaning against posting it.

However, I promised you I'd try balancing this blog. If I was going to poke at the VBTA, I needed a shot at the status quo. Rosemary Wilson is the status quo member of City Council.

Anonymous said...

OK, this one is way too over the top.

Michael Ragsdale said...

It sure is not

Anonymous said...

Rumor has it, so was Will Sessions for Mayor. Goodbye HRT service (the 20, for example, MUST turn around at Newtown).

Avenging Archangel said...

Anon 10:59,

Will Sessoms and his buddies want light rail too badly. A precondition for the FTA to even talk to us is for Virginia Beach to boost it's current year-round bus service by 20%.

As much as Sessoms and his buddies hate those on the buses, they actually need us to get light rail. Yeah, you have to love the irony. :)

Michael Ragsdale said...

Wow...someone assuming Will Sessions will get rid of buses. You're right about the irony.

Avenging Archangel said...


Given Sessoms misdeeds during his previous tenure on Council, it doesn't surprise me that someone would believe that. In my case, I knew the LRT requirement, so I was able to figure it was wrong.

If anything, mass transit is Sessoms' silver lining. As he wants LRT, and needs buses to do it, we'd get both from him.