Tuesday, July 6, 2010

Ballot Petition Fiasco Aftermath

Events continue to unfold in the aftermath of the failed attempt to petition a light rail referendum question onto the November ballot.

"We obviously didn't get our message out. Virginia Beach can and should continue to live by 1950s transportation and land planning models forever and ever," said Robert Dean, Maximum Leader of the Virginia Beach Taxpayers Alliance (VBTA). "Now if you'll excuse me, I have some shopping to do. It's going to take plenty of Kool-Aid to keep the sycophants in line after this debacle."

Wally Erb was asked about the impact on his City Council candidacy. He stated, "It's not like any fewer people are going to vote for me than already were."

"We've spent so much time telling the taxpayers to say 'No' to everything that they even said 'No' to our petition drive," claimed VBTA Chairman John Moss. When questioned about whether the nutcases who comprise the bulk of the VBTA membership were a liability for his City Council campaign, Moss stated, "They may be kooks, but I need the title of VBTA Chairman to feel important."

Reid Greenmun went into hiding at an Ocean View cracktel, registering under the name "I.M. Barbaramessner". A prostitute who works the area was asked about him and replied, "Not only is he impotent, but all he does is keep blathering on about how his friend Harvey couldn't possible have been wrong about light rail."

In order to try to create a diversion from the massive embarrassment, Dean ordered hatchet sycophant Beth Allen to write a report "proving" that sunlight is a net fiscal drain on Virginia Beach taxpayers. When it was pointed out that 24 hours of darkness each day would be catastrophic to our Tourism and Agriculture industries, Beth stated, "The VBTA is on record wanting to devastate every local industry. Besides, everyone knows the VBTA prefers to stay in the dark."

Kerry Dougherty pledged to continue to push for a light rail referendum in both her columns and on her blog. She said, "I can write anything as ridiculous as I want, as no one at the newspaper has enough common sense to fire me."

Virginia Beach's Comprehensive Mental Health Services (CMHS) began preparing for defections of disillusioned VBTAers by setting up a temporary deprogramming center. Victims will be identifiable by the Kool-Aid stains plus being in a state of shock.


Avenging Archangel said...

Okay, some may consider this humor piece overkill and/or tasteless. However, I promised it to someone I'll probably run into at a meeting tomorrow. Being a man of my word, I wanted to post it prior.

Anonymous said...

Unfortunately, it is pretty true.

Anonymous said...

Looked spot on to me Henry....ROFL!!